This is the saddest thing I will ever read. It's raw. It's emotional. It's heart-wrenching. I cried.
Finally Ready To Do This.
For Felix;
I am grief-sticken. No, actually, that may be an understatement. The agony I feel, cannot ever be put into words. This anguish is something I have never felt before and hope to never feel again. The title suggests that I'm finally ready to talk about his death, and I though I was...but now, thinking of what to say...it's killing me. I know I don't have to blog about this to millions of people, I know that Felix knows how I feel...but I would feel discontent and as if I was not doing Felix's memory any justice if I didn't share with the world what this special human being meant to me.
There was one time where Felix was everything to me, my boyfriend, best friend, room mate, teacher, my travelling buddy...my first true love, I gave everything I was to him, and he did he same. To see how his short life end in such a way has shaken me to my foundations, it's hit me to the core of my very being, it's killing me . Felix took a part of my life with him, the younger, care-free years we spent together are just a distant memory now. He has taken a part of me I could never bear to give to anyone else.
I still can't come to terms of what has happened. Others in my life have died before and I eventually dealt with it and moved on, but this has hit me hard. I'm at a place where I feel I cannot even see a day where I won't sob hysterically the the mention of his name, this past week, to get out of bed is a mission in itself. The only thing that keeps me going is Fabio and my son, Manu. Without their limitless, undying love, I don't know what I'd do.
Felix, the world will never know another like you. I will never love another like you. Thank you for loving me back. You were the most beautiful, self-less man I've ever known. You'll always be alive in your art.
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